fourthsaken | IC inbox!

[His thoughtful and more serious mood doesn't go unnoticed. Jade settles next to him quietly, hugging her knees to her chest, but not before unearthing a chocolate bar from her hoodie pocket.]

I brought dessert this time.

Have I mentioned today that ye're the most wonderful woman there is?

[Bert smiles, snubbing his smoke against the roof and tucking the dog end behind his elongated ear.]

I've got a mighty hankering for sommat sweet.

Wanna stay over tonight?

You've definitely mentioned it before, but not today... [And she never gets sick of hearing it. She unwraps one end of the chocolate bar from her favorite fancy chocolate shop, breaking off a small piece for herself before handing the rest over to Bert.]

I'd really like that. You want company?

Course I do. I near always want you with me, Jade. I just know we aren't there yet.

[Bert breaks off a bit of chocolate for himself, the words casual and easy. He'd love it if Jade were with him every night and every morning and every time in between. But that time will come.]

[It's a tempting offer, even though Jade knows that really, she's not ready to stop living with Soeki and Oliver yet. But the idea of spending more of her free time with Bert, it's incredibly tempting.]

You know that it's not that I don't want that, right? I just... I wanna keep living with Soeki and Oliver too. But it's not because I don't love you. I just... You're right. I'm not ready yet.

Oh, I kennit. It's not time. It doesn't bother me any, I knew a'fore we paired up that your world's different about this sort of thing. Makes more sense than how we did it.

[Bert stretches out his legs and leans back, looking upwards. He doesn't mind taking it slow at all. So what if they don't live together? They see each other whenever they'd like, either here at the ranch or at Jade's place. He's not in any rush to move her in.]

Eld's balls, back in my world, we'd be married already. Whether we wanted to be or not.

[Jade's nodding in agreement, leaning over to rest her head on Bert's shoulder, when suddenly he's talking about marriage. She nearly chokes on the piece of chocolate, glowing eyes widening.]

We'd be-- Bert, I love you more than anything, but please, please don't propose to me.

Oh Man Jesus, no! That's what I meant about how your way's better!

[Bert holds up his hands to quickly dispel the notion he's about to do anything like that. Someday, aye, but...no, he's not ready to be married yet, either.]

I love ye, and I want to be with ye for all my days here, but I'd never propose without us talking about it first. Nah, my world's got it ass backwards. Marry quick and young, and if ye fool around...well, ye damned well better be ready to get married because now ye've got to. Which is stupid as all get out, ye ask me.

[Jade lets out a helplessly relieved giggle, burying her face against Bert's chest. It really is a relief that she won't have to worry about a possible proposal anytime soon.]

Thank God. [A pause, as she looks up at him.] No offense, but yeah, you're right, getting married that young is just... It's too much, you know? But I get what you're saying. My family and town back home, they're all really conservative and religious. You're not supposed to have sex and shit before you get married. But I'm not like that. I mean... I used to be really religious. Maybe I'm still more religious than a lot of people here, I dunno, it's complicated.

Ye needn't tell me. I was engaged on my father's orders when I was sixteen. And just barely sixteen, practically fifteen! I wasn't ready then, I'm not ready now.

[Bert laughs as well, wrapping one arm around Jade. He's got a sleeved shirt on, so it's not quite as enfolding as when his wings are unrolled, but he hugs her tightly.]

We're young and we're in love and we're happy, we don't need to be idiots and rush into anything that...heavy and permanent and adult. I'm not Roland.

[Bert snorts a bit at that. Damned fool had been ready to get married at fourteen years old! That's lunacy!]

Religion often is. I...suppose I am? I dunno. It's all different now. I don't even quite understand my own faith at this point, or if I'd even call what I have now a faith. I still believe in all the gods and ways I was raised with, I know they're real. But they're not here and they're not for me now anyway.

[Jade would never ask Bert to give up his beliefs from home, even the ones that are so different from hers, but she's grateful that he's more than willing to change his views on marriage and relationships.]

You believe in more than one god, right? When I was growing up, I was taught there was only one, but being here... It's easy to believe that there are all sorts of different gods and religions and that all of them could be real. Which is kinda funny since I didn't even believe in God at all for awhile back home.

Sort of. We acknowledge and understand there's all sorts of forces that exist on higher levels than us. There are god-like spirits and beings that influence people and the world, but there is one creator and one who sits above the others. That's Gan. He made the universe and he sings the song that keeps it alive. And then there's ka, which is Gan's will, and the force that makes sure what's meant to happen does happen.

[And he still holds those beliefs as the facts of existence. But he can't say that it's his religion anymore, he's a vampire. He belongs to a realm ruled over by the Crimson King. And that will never be Cuthbert's god.]

Gan is father and protector of all things White, and he's the one who gave Excalibur to Arthur and laid the Beams that hold the universe together and set the Guardians to protect them, so he's sort of the One God. Oh, and then there's the god that was father of the Man Jesus, but that's Christian stuff. Nice folks, Christians, odd beliefs. Their god's not a very powerful one, but he seems decent. And I like their songs.

[Jade laughs again, elbowing Bert in the side lightly.]

Dude, Christianity's the religion I'm talking about. Are you saying I'm odd?

Oh, ye're Christian? Look at that, I actually know that one! And aye, ye've got some odd beliefs! Don't get me wrong, that Jesus fellow seems like a brilliant man and a very holy man...but the whole virgin birth? Symbolically eating bits of him once a year? It's odd. But my god pulled existence out of his navel and made giant robot animals as holy warriors, so it isn't as though ye've got a monopoly on strange religious stuff.

[God knows plenty of his beliefs seem off to other folks.]

And I meant what I said about yer hymns, they're beautiful. The psalms and stories in the Bible, too. That's what I learned to read out of, so I've got'em all memorized.

You do? I remember most of them too. I'd read the Bible like, every night with my brother. We'd go to church together every week too. God, it sounds crazy now, but when I was little I wanted to be like, a priest? My parents had to explain that women weren't allowed...

I do! Roland and I had a hawk, a little hawk, but he was fierce and mighty and could best birds and beasts bigger than him. So we named him David, after the hero in the Bible who slew Goliath.

[Bert nods, excited at this commonality they've found.]

Nah, that doesn't sound crazy. Sounds crazy that women can't be, ye ask me. If God made everyone in his image, that means he made women in his image, too.

And that's a proper God, the God of the Bible. Doesn't ask too much, more or less fair...sort of a raw deal, Jesus' life, but...Gods see things different than we do. Huh.

[Bert's having himself a Think now.]

Awww, that's a great name...

[When Bert trails off she stays quiet, looking at him expectantly. She recognizes his thinking face.]

What?

Just idly wondering if your god's got an open door policy or not. I mean...yours isn't that much different than mine. But a bit more...forgiving and accepting of folks.

[And there's no doubt in his mind that the Biblical god is real. Bert's never prayed to him or given him much thought on a personal level, but the general tenets and ideas are the same as the ones he was raised with.]

I just miss having a proper faith. Something greater than me and mysterious that I can just...be content is out there and gives a shit about me. That doesn't actually carry on conversations or literally rewards 'prayers' with tangible items. That's not faith, that's just...a king who's got a lot of magic.

...no offense meant.

[Said to the sky, just in case. Because there isn't any, Bert's not about to leave the Fourth side. But he doesn't exactly think of Elias as a god these days. Or consider it his religion. It's more like being a Gunslinger - it fills those needs, but not the spiritual ones.]

[This is definitely not the conversation Jade was expecting to have on the roof top, but it's not an unwelcome one.]

I might not be the best person to ask. Like I said, my relationship with God's pretty complicated. And like, organized religion can really suck sometimes, but... I think you're right. He's supposed to be accepting and if you believe in him... I don't see why he'd turn you away or anything like that.

Sommat to think about, anyhow. I feel very much at...some sort of crossroads, I can't explain it well. One foot in an old life that's gone, one foot in a new one I don't quite understand, and just...lost. Not that being lost is a bad thing, ye find all new ways to go when you're lost.

[But Bert hasn't found his way yet. He doesn't even know what he wants to do with his life, now he's got his own to focus on.]</small. And it's harder, now. There's only Susan left who knows anything of my ways, and she and I...we were raised in different parts of New Canaan, in different societies.

... If there's anything I can do to help you feel less lost, just let me know. [Jade wants to be sure Bert knows she's always there for him, in any way that he might need her. She wants to help him feel secure in the new life he's building.]

... You like your new life so far, right?

Thankee, but I wot I need to find my own way. Figure it all out for myself. I have this feeling...that's important. As I've lived my life with everything laid out and planned for me, always on a path someone else chose...

[Now he's on his own. It seems important that he find his way himself, that he navigates all of this by himself. Some sort of metaphorical desert wandering or some such.]

I like lots of things about it. Don't like some things. But that's life, innit?

[Jade nods in understanding. She wants Bert to figure things out on his own if that's truly what he wants. She can understand why it's important to him.]

Yeah, that's life. It doesn't make me stop wishing that I could take the best things from both my lives and put them in one place.

IC inbox!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, JADED. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 005.04.008.13 * CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS has joined 005.04.008.13 <JADED> hey, you've reached Jade. <JADED> leave a message or whatever and i'll get back to you. <JADED>** God, I hope this shitty thing actually works.